February 12, 2009
@ 23:59
SENSITIVITY.
im tired,but not sleepy.
i feel like crying,but am not crying..
im alone,but not isolated,
and im in love,but not loved.
things ain't really going well for me.
i've repeated this upteen times.
how can i ever learn from my mistakes?
i've changed,im no longer who i used to be,
but what is that?
i used to be cheerful and going out,
lazy but obedient,
used to have tons of friends to be with,
never alone..
but right now,im fucking lonely,
freaking emo and not going out,
hardworking but rebellious,
drinks,love the night because theres NO ONE.
sometimes,i have illusions.
while im busy,im still doing many things.
and once in awhile,i have a vague impression
that i've sms-ed sm1,but end up,i didnt..
50% of the time i remembered bringing smthing,
but i didnt.
should i be happy with myself?
i have freedom,i am finally single.
no one can control when i wana be out or in,
and when im just a tear away from crying,
whau..
im amazed that someone cares the least abt me.
have i lost control of myself?
can i force myself to control myself?
how can i keep myself away from you when i know..
thoughts without you would mean my mind's empty?
there are so many things i hope i can do with you,
but it's convincing neither one of us.
people are less serious nowadays,that i know..
but does that mean you are?
im not emo because of anyone,i should't be.
im just feeling helpless because im failing,
no matter how hard i try,to love but not possess.
do you have any suggestions how i could do that?
my heart does not listen to my callings.
she runs off everytime she sees someone else,
and leaves my sufferring in pain,without a heart,
how am i supposed to survive?
how can i have my heart back?