May 20, 2009
@ 13:00
breaking down.
all the things i have imagined myself to brave through,
i've failed one now.
i broke down..
i had my piano lesson,during which my teacher said that if i were to continue at this rate,i won't be ready by march for the exam,neither would i be able to complete my theory for grade 7..
it's a wednesday,a day which some might take a chance to go out,or just sleep at home,or even study and revise for tomorrow's test,but im not..im torn between millions of things to do,not knowing what to do first..
i called my mother,and she said i need to try harder,because this is not enough.it reminded me of what aung soe told me,that i need to focus more..how come my effort is not enough when after puttin in all this effort,nothing's left in me?
some of my friends have been getting good grades,while i'm not.i've been getting Bs and Cs,nothing else.bff's grades have improved,and isabel's scoring due to the prior knowledge she has.bff has already a minimum of 3As after a month of school,studying pharmesuetical science;isabel has a minimum of 4As after a month of school,studying digital entertainment electronics,which is the same diploma as me.
tears escaped from my eyes even before i start mumbling like a toddler..
pain surrounded my brain as a sense of helplessness eats me up..
i have never imagined myself studying the subjects i have totally no interest in,yet putting in all my effort but only recieving comments like "you have to try harder",when the people around me don't even have to try as hard as i do to score better than what i got.
once again,i could only see myself drifting apart from what i dreamed of doing,bit by bit,day by day..
all i wanted to do..was to sing and draw..
all i knew about myself now was..that all these are not enough..