May 25, 2009
@ 23:31
everynight,i wonder upon the cotton
everynight,i ponder if i was your child
everytime you speak for them,
it was as if you were never there,
were you?
if this is the truth,would you be willing to hear?
if i need you,would you be there?
wondering upon the cotton,
if you would ever see me cry?
part of the song i thought of when i was in the toilet..
i was just so overwhelmed with feelings of an abandoned child,
like as if nobody wanted me to be their child..
maybe i was born this way..
born with natural opposing hands to my mum,
born..yearning for freedom and silence..
yet feeling painful in these silent nights..
it'll never start all over again because they're no longer together..
it's like as if it would never happen even if i knew earlier,
because they were meant to end this way..
i thought it were only random nights which i would feel like this..
unwanted and given up on,
but i realise that all these is dwelling on me..
only because i'm only beginning to realise what i've lost..
those naggings and cannings which signified my mother's care,
those try-to-encourage-me scoldings standing as my mum's effort's alibi,
i would never understand how it feels like to have a complete family..
just hope i'll get through these feelings soon,
and that i won't repeat what they did..
though to me these felt abnormal yet normal..
i hope im not bottling too much..
life,has too much to list all out.