June 3, 2009
@ 23:50
CALL ME,PLEASE....
feeling kinda draggy to update now..
cuz once againnnn...
i'm back on my bed,
rejecting my bf's call..
simply because i'm having second thoughts..
im sorry dude..
i just can't handle this..
you see,
first,when the OLD MONKEY's older sister's DAUGHTER,
aka THA PRINCESSSSSS,
moved in,
i thought since she's doing her N LEVEL this year,
and i'm told to be quieter at night,
i decided to be as DISTURBING as i can..
cuz i wanted her TO LEAVE..
then not long ago,
it just slipped off my mind,
which means that i didn't have that intention ANYMORE..
and i didn't stay up late to use com..
so that she didn't hear the typings,
but so happen i was freaking emo and stressed out recently,
that instead of complaining that i make typing noises at night,
she complained that my crying was disturbing her..
soooooo..
she's MOVING OUT.
and now,
the kiddo which i had a CRUSH for like...
FOURRRRR bloody years ago,
i had ANOTHER crush on him again LAST YEAR.
i was pretty much hoping that my love would be reciprocated..
but was thinking..
since he's so not-bad-looking,
i don't think i'd stand a chance..
and he's probably lying..
but hell no!!
i gave up all that thought like..
halfway through feb or something,
to realise that IT'S REAL!!!
HE DID FELT THAT WAY!!!
I'VE SUCCEEDED!!!
but what's the use of everything now??
i'm used to having another person,
and wanting my own room was just another way..
of wanting my dad show how much he'd love me..
by giving me my own space..
and i'm STUCK with my bf,
all i can do is just go along with the urge to see this kiddo,
remember that happy hour with him,
and then cry over his disappearance after that,
even when i've already known the sequence of it..
RIGHT FROM THE START.
what's the use??
i can't do anything,
say anything,
change anything...
the only thing in my mind now is him..
you know why??
probably you would..
if you NEVER eva felt your HEART THUMPING..
with anyone else BUT him/her,
if you've NEVER eva felt NERVOUS till your LIMBS FREEZE..
and your stomach bloat WITH BUTTERFLIES..
when you're talking to anyone else BUT him/her,
if you've NEVER eva KNOW AND BE WILLING..
to CRY IN PAIN for days or even weeks..
in exchange for those SWEET MOMENTS..
which would probably not even last for 2 HOURS.
or maybe i'm just plain stupid..