July 4, 2009
@ 02:53
numbers of event.
well,intended to post some pictures but apparently my cam failed me.
it's not some camwhore pics..
just some pic i took at BENTENDO!!
hehex..
first of all,my today was really........
different.
number 1.
i saw IP addresses smacking in the middle of NICOLL HIGHWAY.
guess i haven't been paying attention to real ingredients of stalking.
lolx..
so..very likely,
i won't have much of an interest to look into that in future.
i had enough to handle..
lolx..
i had been called a bitch over sms by a friend.
i'm not sure if we're still friends,
but it won't bother the other party anyway.
not going to go into details,
but i know,and am clear of my own conscience,
that i'm not a bitch.
number 2.
rmb the other day i had a test CLOSED BOOK,
while all the other 15 to 18 classmates of mine had OPENED BOOK??
gosh..
i feel blessed to know that i passed.
though not with As or high Bs,
i did get some better grades than the 15 to 18.
no offence,but i just feel blessed.
number 3.
Joel Mok,my year 1 sem 2's Cognitive Processes Module faci,
called up today.
GUESS WHAT???
hahaz..
not abt UT grades again lar..
neither was it about presents or lunch..
hahaz..
he wanted to tell me that he felt that the class,
W35D,was rather familiar to him that day when he took that class.
he saw some faint drawings on the wall,which was an entangled heart,
a monk on the pillars and the lion on door..
and guess who did that??
hehex...
ME!!
i'm honored and eager to admit that because that,
made me remember all the times i had in class..
how everyone went through each and everyday,
and how evidently i had been in that room once before..
very heart-warming for me.
=]
number 4.
gary,bryan,jerry and donald are still very nice to me.
at least to them,i am not a bitch.
not to forget,sarah was there for me in the morning,
at the time at about 2am.
for a moment,i couldn't convince myself that i wasn't a bitch.
the messages in my phone just broke me off..
guess if that sender was reading this,
they'd feel pretty happy.
think what you like..
just as much as i don't mean a thing to you,
you don't either.
number 5.
donald and me.
our stuff..has taken alot from us.
our friendship,our time,our effort and emotions..
when jerry and i was having some supper at my mum's just now,
he told me that the latest discovery about H1N1 was that..
even the bare minimal interaction with the contracted for an hour..
would probably cause the other party to contract H1N1 too.
also,he told me that there was this guy,
after afew days of being infected,
he recovered but when he was in the toilet,
he fainted and due to some reasons,
died after that.
so i was thinking..
what if after knowing you've got the symtoms,
you only had 7days left??
what if i had it,and i had only hours left??
i don't want to die with regrets..
having screwed up our friendship..
i'm not admitting i'm a bitch,
but trying to tell you why i said those things,
or even those things i did at that moment.
i was angry at donald abusing our concern for him.
because each time he couldn't get something he wanted,
he said "nobody understands how i feel"..
or smthg that ended about not understanding him.
and i felt sick when i saw his post with the materialistic girl thg.
i was pissed at the fact that because of what happened,
he just posted along some thoughts,
and yes,it took me quite some time to believe that was unintentional.
i posted it on stomp,and it angered him.
he stood in to defend for himself.
and i'd do the same too if i were him.
but later,he posted about what is best friend.
though he tried explaining that that was for him to understand better..
things about best friend,
but seeing and hearing so much about him..
trying to say that i was pissed at him not waving back,
i felt like..he's still trying to find excuses,
and he can't even see why i'm angry.
YET on the other side,i was too mute and stubborn to talk back.
i couldn't bother.
and while i name him attention grabber,
he got even more angry..which any1 else would too.
and like the growth of moss..
things rapidly grew out of hand..
having annonymous taggers leaving harsh comments,
it was a time which would allow those who had a grudge with me..
to spite me back..
cuz i was busy spinning around alrdy..what else could be worst??
donald,i know i agreed more to what ur 1st sem classmates said,
and i did ask cindy if she viewed my blog.
she may be mean to you,or mean as and when she wants to,
but i know she won't lie.
and i know she didn't wrote that comment.
i don't want to talk about the lol people because probably,
like what i mentioned,they're just 9lines before this.
all i wanted to tell you now is that i want it to be clear,
that the reason for everything i did,
started with anger after reading the phrase u said.
i know all that I did led you to react this way,
and if it were someone else,things could have been worst,
or at least,they would have responded the way you did.
YES.i have been stubborn to not want to talk to you,
expecting you to know what went wrong instead of pushing it back,
or just appologising because you're told to do so,
which yet in it,you still blamed me.
though it too me the WHOLE TIME..to accept all these.
i admit that i'm stubborn.
and i'm sorry to have ruined our friendship,
along with some other's impression about me,
but i'm doing this because i don't want to leave things like this..
if i ever die.
it's not worth ruining our friendship,
for the approval of the others on what we do.
somehow i feel thankful..
cuz it's because of H1N1,i feel it's important that i sort this out.
now that i've said my piece.
i'm done.
whether you accept it or not,
i'm still going to be me.
just me and me only.
those people who had approval of our actions..
was neither you nor me.
we're still the ones who would face one another,
not them.