November 29, 2009
@ 10:42
500th post.
been thinkin for the past few days on how to write this.
it is,after all,my 500th post..
hahaz..kinda like my honor though sometimes it's just a spam..
anyway,i'm here blogging..to address about certain stuff..
be it directly,or not.
my piano.
father sent away the piano,again.
expected..yet still it hurts.
cried a little,shout a lil,rang my mum up.
i couldn't help but feel really jealous that they're getting everything without having to feel anything..and im just standing there,alone.
the woman's elder sis brought a man home to take her bag,
and he walked into our room to look for her without taking his shoes off!!
i called him and he ignored me,
and when i got to the room,he just okok and walked out..
then while getting outta the house,he just blurt..
"why should i even care?it's not even my house"
the woman and her daughter doesn't feel guilty about being the cause of father and i's relationship souring..
they don't even look like they feel anything or know anything!!
and im giving everything up.
if they want to do things this way,
it's fine with me..i will feel nothing!!
i can..
called up my mother,and she didnt ask me to go back when i told her all these..
and i felt like..mother doesn't want me either..
so i just hung up and cried..D was with me over the phone..
i felt really terrible that everything's screwing up and i'm not strong enough to stand against it..
i called up sis after that,and upon hearing me cry,
she just complained to my mum that im cryin cuz i cnt find a place to study..
so i hung up..
i just couldn't stop crying about everything..
and when i stopped,while calming down,
mother called me to ask me home..
i felt like an idiot cuz i actually felt what they want me to feel..
and when my heart rip apart upon realising the wrath,
they were never there to explain it out..
but telling me how wrong i am to think about them negatively later..
and that i should accept them.
i had enough..i can't do that..
i ain't noble enough to accept nothing..
i ain't smart enough to interprete without getting hurt..
the zoo had been really a chaos.
im witnessing a trillion signal transmission within the intermission of blinking eyes..
it does not involve me,neither does the elements know me..
it's like as if i was the bead on the dress that had fallen off unnoticingly..
and that nobody feels anything missing,
nothing's changed.
PP assessment's finally over.
still waiting for the result though..
im really scared..
the people was like..original,liked,but lack of information.
D=
totally shagged from the lack of sleep,
and even lost my mood for shopping..
T.T
walked around cwp 2hours in slippers oso tired..
last time walk 5hours with 3inch heels no prob leh..
all because i not enough rest..
sadd..
went to D's house for a lil chat and calender designing.
it was good cuz it's been a long time since we last had quality chat.
and i got to get the calender done..
i'll grade it..PASS!!EFFICIENT!!
aww..forgive me..i just wanna feel happy now..
i wanna save up to get myself a synthesizer!!
and a dslr,freakin fast desktop and a acoustic guitar!!
hahaz..big wish~
but i ain't givin up!!
yay!!im gonna throw your things out too~
and you won't find me there no more..
you've made your choice,so will i.
been single for quite some time.
piling myself with single minded-ness,
occupying time with school and work,
i'm beginning to wonder..if i'll be able to love again,
without letting the other party feel that im a loner or something..
im afraid that i might hurt them..
Labels: THA 500TH