December 24, 2009
@ 14:36
school fees.this is a really irritating issue in my life,something about money.because of my selfish father,i'm obliged to think about money,to calculate my expenses.and im always reminded of the richies in my class,having $1k every month for allowances..only brings me to one word,"why?"
he has officially thrown me back to my mother's.and for the upcoming month's allowances,i'll be getting $400,which includes my expenses and school fees.all the money that's been on loan since the 2nd semester,all the loan that will be coming in for year 3,every thing's so big and rushy.so hate it!!i never wanted to have this!!never chose this path!!he's the one who should really be light up alive and his money,all used to take stuff in the woman's lungs.if only this is de javu.
upcoming papers.in another 2weeks' time,lesson will be resumed and i would have to start studying already.all the papers coming in every few days,all the formulas that i'll have to stuff into my brain,i really wonder when my mental breakdown will be again.hope my com's fine,or at least,better.i really dont dare to ask for anything from father again because i'll most probably end up disappointed,again.
a christmas eve about men.i'm really starting to feel the hatred and irritation towards men.some of the people i know.they make me feel like trusting them is all my fault and stupidity.totally ruin my mood for christmas eve.maybe this is just another stupid day that has an occasion,nothing special,nothing different.maybe it's different because this christmas eve,im feeling lonely and emo.funny how it's so different this time.