January 6, 2010
@ 23:55
you're the first thing on my mind when i wake up,and the last thing on my mind every night before i go to bed.
i just want to love again.
it really sucks when the people you like tells you that you're special to them,that they want to tell you every secret have,be honest with you,but end up telling you that you're just a friend to them,just a very good friend,and that you're not their cup of tea.
it's embarassing when you had to pluck up alot of courage to say "hi.." in the most natural way,but end up keeping quiet after that because you were too nervous.
it's bad when you've been doing alot,restricting yourself from certain actions or phrases just to show that you've been trying to change and you're doing your best to be better already,but they just don't see it,that it's just not good enough.
it's scary when you lose all your hopes and feel so hurt because the truth is really harsh,but when you look around,you don't see anyone around,don't hear anyone asking about you,feeling sad because you're hurt,crying because you got dumped.
and it's ironic when you hear someone saying love is in the air,and then someone else telling you how easily love comes and goes,and that's just how live is.
this is the last entry during my 18th year of life,while im still in my 18th mind.though scientists have proven that the larger number of statistic would increase the accuracy of the experiment,just like the longer we live on earth,the more details we would be able to talk about life,but life is not only about the difference in you between this minute and that.it's about how topped the class after failing so many papers,it's about you won that 100meters dash after dashing at the stadium for 6mths and even stumbling because of a loose shoe.life is about the process,the duration..so don't just conclude now,there are still room for changes,room for improvement.
there are lots of thoughts in my mind right now.thoughts of how different your feelings were compared to mine,thoughts of how many times i've failed to find true love,thoughts of how i face something i hate everyday,how i push myself to find something i love in the midst of something i like,thoughts of how true friends emerged from so many people i know,thoughts of how each and every one of us changed since the first day we knew each other,thoughts of how i used to react towards relationship and how i felt that each of it was unique and memorable..i just can't keep remembering now..my memory's going to be full..
i will just live each day by itself,making the best plans i could,hoping that would help me spend my life more fruitfully.