February 16, 2010
@ 20:48
day of the month.
everything crashed today.if you don't wish to ruin your mood,go type in another blog link.do the same if you can't be bothered to spare some concern for another being whom you might not even look at if you ever bump into them on the street.
mother's going hospital tml..might have an op,but not sure yet..depends on the result of the check up.she says she feels another thgy growing there,just that it's on the other side this time.the last time,i told mother that i'm out dating,and i'm not free to fetch her outta the hospital.got an earful ever since that,and it really sucks.only later when i saw how heartbroken she was did i realise how selfish i had been.so i'm not gonna let that happen again.
i stayed home throughout today..didn't step outta the house,didn't eat anything..only drank a lil black label in the early noon.faced rejection in the evening..and i'm still feeling shitty till now.i can't stop thinking about how useless and not good enough i am..to not even be able to get the guy i like to feel the same towards me.it sucks..seriously,after so much effort and worrying,these feelings really suck.
i just wanna say..i still hope to be able to hold your hand when you feel lonely,hug you when you feel cold,kiss you and make you feel happy..i wanna watch with you the movies you wanna watch,be the first to give you presents that will leave you the deepest impression,tell you i'll always be there for you no matter what happens..maybe you don't feel it now,maybe you can't sense it right now..but you've yet known me..
i don't want to just watch you from afar,don't want to just hear your recorded voice or re-read your long ago text message..i wanna right beside you..that's all i can think about right now..